Welcome to My Blog!

Were you ever in a relationship that you found bewildering? Did you rack your brain trying to figure out what was causing the turmoil and what you could do to prevent it? Did it seem like no matter what you tried, no matter whose advice you took, the same pattern continued to repeat itself over and over?

I was married to a narcissist for thirty years. I guess technically I was married to him for twenty-eight years when he filed for divorce. But he dragged out the divorce process for almost two years.  When I met him, it seemed like a match made in heaven. We considered ourselves soul mates. Six months into the relationship was my first red flag when he exploded at a police officer (more on that to come).

Twenty-eight years and three kids later, I shake my head that I stayed so long. I walked on egg shells through every holiday, vacation and family get-together. There was no telling what little thing might set him off into one of his rages. But something always seemed to. I would try to think of every detail ahead of time so I could prevent his explosion. But life has a mind of its own and some things just can’t be prevented. Like traffic for example. Many a time, we’d be on a trip to visit my mother who lived a little over an hour away. Heaven forbid we hit traffic! He’d often turn around and make us go back home. It was always those little things that most of just roll with that enraged him. How can you prevent that?

And then came the ultimate betrayal: the affairs. I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was. I think a part of me suspected it might be happening, but I didn’t want to really know. I buried my head in the sand until one woman he was seeing reached out to me. I was devasted. It was the beginning of the end.

If you’re reading this and you are with or suspect you might be with a narcissist, you are already nodding your head in agreement. The behavior is just so typical.

And so, I spent almost thirty years living this way. I’m actually one of the more lucky ones. We didn’t have financial concerns and I didn’t allow him to isolate me. His physical abuse was minor and infrequent. I know others have fared far worse and my heart goes out to them.

I had no idea what I was dealing with for most of my married life. I thought he had an anger management problem. Once I researched sleep apnea and other disorders and thought maybe that’s what caused him to not be mentally right. It was only in the latter years that I began to clue in on narcissism. My daughter found an article about narcissists ruining every holiday and I couldn’t believe the similarities. I started googling abusive relationships. Eventually, I found Facebook groups for victims of narcissistic abuse. I learned a great deal from them.

And now, I’m writing my story. I hope to have it published by the end of the year. I’m not a psychologist, nor do I have any training in that field. My story is just that: what happened to me. I hope it can help others see the similarities to their own relationships and learn that it is not normal. I hope it can give courage to victims to get out. I had a lot in my favor, and it was still really hard to get out. I know others have it much worse. But there is peace when you get out. It is worth the struggle.

I’ll be blogging on more specific issues. I hope you’ll comment on this and future blogs. Here’s to a better future for all of us!